Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
