Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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