yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
