four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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