you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
