I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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