it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
