She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
