She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
