Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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