So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
