Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
