Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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