i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
