The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
