my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
