Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
