You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
