just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
