Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
