forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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