Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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