Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
