Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
