I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
