The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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