Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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