thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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