mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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