I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
