when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
