there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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