I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize