true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
