I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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