We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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