is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Randomize
