so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize