I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We were destined to go to rehab together
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Im part way to drunk.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
