after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
