He asked to "fluff my boner.."
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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