I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
