A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
