I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
