Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just cropdusted the office
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
