I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
