Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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