Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
