they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I will pee on everything he values.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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