I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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