it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
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