The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
