i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
