grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
accomplished twins. life is a go
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
