i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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