Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
