we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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