my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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