you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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