the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
