he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm passing your future prison.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
