it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
