So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
