Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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