i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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