Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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