we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
